I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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