we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
