He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
