Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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