I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
are you so shy because you have an std?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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