Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
