I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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