respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
