She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
