I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
