I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
