Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I skipped work to stalk him.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I can't put those talents on a resume
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Randomize
