So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize