Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
