Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
