Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My vagina just clenched in fear
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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