i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
