whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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