She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think my moral compass just broke
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize