I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
