Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
