Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
