I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
