I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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