Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
