i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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