Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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