i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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