I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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