My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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