apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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