Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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