She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
