I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
