You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
