he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
