I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
