I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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