Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I need to stop coming to work sober
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
