Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
