I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize