I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
