A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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