Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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