I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
