your parents love me but you hate me
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
