So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
