I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
