Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
