ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize