It's like God shit irony all over that family
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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