is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
