I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
