I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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