when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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