The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
