i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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