4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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