Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
