I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
