there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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