This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
