The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
