dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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