Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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