I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
