I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
