She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
