you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
