he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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