Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
