I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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