So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Randomize
