I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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