She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
