I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
