Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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